Discovering My Identity: Unveiling My Journey

This song really hits home for me. Its words weave a tale of leaving pain behind and embracing healing, a journey that’s been anything but smooth sailing. It speaks to the solace and hope I found in faith, a faith that I nearly lost in the chaos of life. The imagery in the lyrics beautifully paints the picture of a slow but transformative healing process, bringing out a fresh sense of purpose and beauty in my life.

The theme of finding strength in faith and allowing myself to be enveloped in healing resonates deeply. It’s a touching reminder that true restoration often starts from within, igniting our spirits and reconnecting us with our true selves. In times when my faith wavered under the weight of hardships, this song became my guiding light, leading me back to my core beliefs and the person I strive to become.

Reflecting on my childhood in Peckham stirs up a mix of emotions. Arriving in England at a tender age from a small island off Portugal, the struggles of cultural identity and acceptance were glaringly apparent. Language or ethnicity aside, navigating the maze of self-discovery and finding one’s place is a universal challenge. Those early feelings of not fitting in etched lasting marks on who I am today. Despite the hurdles, rediscovering my cultural roots and connecting with the vibrant community around me has been a pivotal part of my journey of growth and self-understanding.

Thinking back to my earliest days at school, I vividly remember the sting of being pushed to the ground and my ponytail getting yanked by a boy because I couldn’t speak English. It was a tough introduction to isolation and being different, forging an unwelcome first impression in a foreign land. The pressure to hide my heritage for acceptance, the false assumptions about my family’s motives in the UK—I’ve felt it all. However, finding courage in my teenage years to embrace my true self and mingle with diverse groups brought a welcome change. Slowly, my parents also opened up to the beauty of a broader community, enriching our connections and widening our horizons.

As an adult, building a strong support system in Camberwell and Peckham through groups like Parent Action has been a grounding experience. Nurturing an understanding and respect for different cultures while cherishing our own traditions has emerged as a vital part of my self-discovery journey. Embracing diversity and honoring our roots continue to shape my narrative of identity and belonging in a beautifully multicultural world.

Here I am (centre left) surrounded by my friends from Parent Action known then as PACT, who came to support me as I shared my story at the Mayor of London’s Family Fund celebration.

Dealing with the tough stuff of domestic violence and intimate partner abuse has been a real rollercoaster for me. Breaking away from a toxic relationship, filled with fear, loneliness, and self-doubt, was a real struggle. It took a ton of guts, some amazing support from a few close friends, and a big lightbulb moment about my self-worth to kick-off the healing process and start building a better life.

Domestic violence and abuse, known as DVA, is when one person tries to control, scare, or hurt another person. This can happen between partners or within families, and it’s sadly a common issue many folks face. Intimate partner violence (IPV) is about harm or aggression between people in romantic relationships, whether with current or past partners, and it can vary in how often it happens and how serious it gets.

Recognizing the signs of this kind of abuse is crucial. It can include things like controlling behaviors—like intimidation, isolating someone, or threatening violence—along with emotional or psychological abuse, physical or sexual harm, controlling finances, harassment or stalking, and even digital abuse online. Being aware of these red flags is super important in spotting and dealing with domestic violence and intimate partner abuse in relationships.

Intimate partner violence covers a range of tough stuff like stalking, psychological mind games, and physical or sexual violence. A big consequence of this kind of violence is how it impacts kids who witness it, leading to potential long-term effects on mental health, academics, and social life for both the victim and their children. Shockingly, about one-third of women and a quarter of men face intimate partner violence. It’s a complicated issue, and having community support is a must in responding and stepping in to help.

I’ve been through the wringer when it comes to leaving a toxic relationship. People asking, “Why don’t you just walk away?” can do more harm than good, shaming victims who really just need support. I tried to leave my ex-partner over six years but hit roadblocks each time. Feeling cut off from my family and friends made the struggle even tougher. Luckily, three true friends stuck with me when everything was falling apart. At one point, I felt like I had lost myself and the fighting spirit I once had.

Things hit a breaking point when I found out I was pregnant again. Instead of feeling hopeful, I felt trapped in a toxic situation with thoughts of death as my only out. The heavy fog of depression and anxiety crept in, leaving me on edge about what the future held. Juggling multiple cleaning gigs to make ends meet, while my ex couldn’t keep a job due to his temper, just added more weight to my load. Despite my hustle, I felt like I was missing out on important milestones in my child’s life, plunging me into a pit of insignificance and self-blame, especially after a miscarriage that hit me hard.

Hitting what felt like rock bottom became a turning point. It forced me to see that I didn’t want to give in to the darkness swallowing me up. That’s when my three friends became my rocks, helping me stand strong. It was a tough road, taking nearly two years to break free from my ex and start the journey to healing. Those friends who stood by me were my lifeline, helping me piece myself back together and finally find a sense of peace and inner strength.

So, who am I?

As I move forward on my journey, I’m embracing my roles as a daughter, a sister, a mother, and a partner with a fresh sense of resilience and self-love. Along the way, I’ve learned the value of self-care and acceptance, even in the face of lingering feelings of not being quite enough. Infused with passion, empathy, and creativity, I’m determined to make a positive impact and embody trust and perseverance in everything I do.

Here I am, having just won ‘Best Course Representative’ at the University of East London Student Union Awards Ceremony 2024!

Understanding who I am as an individual is key for me. Growing up as the eldest among my sisters, I’ve always seen myself as someone creative, intuitive, and full of empathy, often putting others before myself. This trait traces back to my upbringing and struggles with low self-esteem. Body image and self-acceptance have been tough mountains to climb for me. Academic challenges have been a bumpy road too, leading to a breakthrough when I was diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia during my first stab at university.

Despite these roadblocks, diving into reading has always been a comforting escape for me. Immersing myself in different worlds stokes my imagination, letting me weave stories with happy endings, even if spelling and punctuation trip me up. Art has been another oasis for me, where I create worlds on my terms, feeling a sense of command and safety. Lately, rediscovering this creative spark that I thought was lost has been a real joy. An assignment at university, focusing on transition, kindled my passion for creating, inspiring me to dream big once more.

Collage for a Transitional assignment: Before ’Losing Myself’ and After ‘Finding Myself’

Recognizing what I appreciate about myself has been quite the journey. I’ve learned how crucial self-care and tending to my own needs are, rather than just focusing on others. Finding that balance between looking out for myself and offering support to others has been a big lesson. It’s like the airplane safety advice—you’ve got to secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others in an emergency.

I truly value my compassionate side, the part of me that feels deeply for causes and stories that tug at my heartstrings. Embracing my fiery spirit and figuring out that striking a healthy balance in caring about others’ opinions is key have been enlightening realizations. Just like everyone else, I see myself as a unique mix of complexities, emotions, and quirks that define who I am. Art is my rock, my way of expressing what words sometimes can’t quite capture. Music, on the other hand, intensifies my emotions, helping me focus on myself and process feelings more vividly.

I see myself as a constant work in progress, always striving to learn and evolve, diving into new realms for deeper self-awareness and growth.